counseling Department

Articles

Communication

(Nov, 2007)

            Communication can be carried different ways and using different levels of logic. It is a process that allows humans to learn, understand, feel and think while interacting. But since communication involves at least a sender and a receiver of a message the process can be complex and it can lead into confusion.

            The communication process involves verbal messages. Picture for a moment a child that sits on a bench at school and everybody ask him how he is; the child answers: “I am very happy”. These verbal messages are usually backed, joined or followed by non-verbal messages through the use of our body language. This is a crucial step we need to be aware of, as the sender has to be sensitive enough to send messages that are congruent verbally and non-verbally to help the mind of the receiver deal with it consciously therefore having a better understanding of what is being expressed; the child in the example then smiles honestly while he answers to people.

            However, if our body language is incongruent in comparison to our verbal one, it is likely that the message will travel straight to the unconscious side of our mind; for instance, the child in the example answers ¨very happy¨ but does not make eye contact, looks down and appears gloomy.

In addition, it is particularly important to be aware of the congruence in our message, as sooner or later the receiver will become the sender, who will eventually respond to the message we just sent.

Incongruence between verbal and non verbal messages was described in 1972 by Gregory Bateson, an anthropologist from Cambridge, on his Doubled-Bind theory. He explained the complications among family members and the dysfunctional implications of double messages.

When we send a message it is important that:

Our facial expressions reflect the mood of the message
Our body language is in tune with what we want to say
If you are not sure whether you were clear, feel free to check what the other person understood.

When you receive a message:

Make eye contact so you are aware of non-verbal signals and you may understand better the mood of the person
Ask for clarification if the message was not clear to you, specially if you are confused with the verbal and non-verbal message
Feel free to repeat what you understood so you reflect the message back to the person
Try not to assume what someone ¨tried to say¨; ask instead.

Finally, being coherent is especially important when we communicate with children as they are still in the process of developing the process of abstract thinking

Next article will explain the different levels of logic within the communication process.